So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
