Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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