Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
