ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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