Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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