if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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