I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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