I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
