Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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