But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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