I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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