He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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