There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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