There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
