you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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