I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
