all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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