Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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