took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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