Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
