I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
