I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize