Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
