in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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