Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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