I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
