I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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