it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
