I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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