Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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