He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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