Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
