I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
