I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
