Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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