I want to stick my p in your. b.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
