My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
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Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
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I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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