Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
