need another drink. this is the easiest way
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
why is half of my head shaved?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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