it's like iHOP with fire
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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