Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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