So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
