I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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