A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
