his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Rumble strips road head = magical
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
we're so committed to being not committed
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
