Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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