And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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