News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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