I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
