either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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