hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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