i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
