I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
