what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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