shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Can I color on your dick again?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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