I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize