I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
