Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize