he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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