It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
