I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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