so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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