I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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