recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
