There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
